Heart Like Mine Read online

“Who just wants an excuse to sit in a meeting with Dr. Joshua Mackenzie? That assistant?”

  Megan shrugged innocently. “Can I repeat the part about humble and trusty?”

  “Right.” Delaney laughed. “No. I need to do this on my own. My assignment, my head on the chopping block if I fail. If I were you, I’d keep your distance.”

  “If you get fired, I’ll quit.”

  “Aw, Meg. That’s really sweet of you. Dumb, but sweet.”

  “It’s not about you.” Megan shook her head. “If you get fired, Gregory’ll assign me to work for Kevin. And I will not work for a man who analyzes his trans fats more carefully than this hospital’s budget numbers.”

  She looked at the floor for a long moment, then tapped her fingers on the desk. “Don’t hate me for suggesting this, but—have you thought about asking your dad for help? He’s been around the block with this stuff a million times. Maybe he could give you the inside scoop? You know—from the doctors’ perspective or whatever?”

  “No.” Delaney shook her head firmly. “Enough people think he’s the reason I got the job in the first place. Can you imagine how it would look if people thought I’d used him to unfairly keep it? Or—God forbid—to push my way into the CFO’s office?”

  “So what’s your strategy now?” Megan asked.

  “Still working on that. I’ve only just seen my new office.”

  “Closet.” Megan raised her eyebrows. “I’m sure, being the super-intelligent person that you are, that you’ve already concluded that’s why he gave you that office, right? He doesn’t want you to sit in there. He wants you out on the floor.”

  Delaney smiled tightly, trying to quell the relentless grasshoppers in her stomach. “You might be right. And you know what? I’ll be all over that floor. I’ll ask questions till I’m blue in the face. He’ll be so sick of me by the end of one day that he’ll send me back up here.”

  The words came out all confident and brave, but inside, Delaney felt like a bowl of Jell-O with ginger ale added to it. On her way back up in the elevator just now, she’d sworn silently a few times, stomped once, and then closed her eyes, realizing he’d backed her into a corner.

  Dr. Mackenzie wasn’t going to cooperate unless she met him on his terms, and as much as it irked her, she respected his stance. The guy had probably sat through more budget meetings than he could stand, and here she was, showing up on his floor to ask for more.

  As she looked out her door to the carpeted, wallpapered hallway … as she spun slowly in a desk chair that had probably cost more than Joshua’s entire office of furniture … as she looked out at a view only ten people at this hospital really ever got to see, she swallowed hard.

  She was disconnected. She did sit up here in this cushy office all day while the real medical professionals ran themselves ragged taking care of the actual patients.

  But her disconnect was purposeful, in some ways—inherited, in others. Her father never knew patients’ names when he came into the OR all scrubbed up. He called them by their disease or their problem of the day, and once they’d cleared the recovery room, he usually never saw them again.

  It was perfect for him. No attachment, no loss. When he wasn’t able to pull someone through surgery, he felt it as a professional failing, but he’d never attended a patient’s funeral. He’d never visited a family in the chapel as they prayed for recovery. He’d played golf or he’d swum laps or he’d tinkered with the antique car in the fourth bay of his massive garage.

  It sounded cold, and maybe it was—but it was also survival. Delaney knew that better than anyone. He’d only ever grieved one heart patient … and that hadn’t been his patient.

  It had been his son.

  “Laney?”

  Megan’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

  “You okay?” Megan closed her plastic salad container, but her eyes were locked on Delaney’s.

  “Fine. Sure. Yes. Why?” Delaney tried to swallow another bite of lettuce, but it got stuck. She took a swig of water, hoping Megan wouldn’t notice.

  “I asked if you really think you can handle being on pediatrics, given—you know—everything.”

  Delaney took a deep breath, looking toward the ceiling, trying her hardest not to picture Parker on his hospital-issue tricycle, careening down the hallway on one of his better days.

  She breathed out, clenching her fingers under her desk.

  “Piece of cake.”

  Chapter 6

  “Wow, buddy. You look like something the cat dragged in.” Josh’s friend Ethan clapped him on the back as he sat down at the big kitchen table at Avery’s House early Saturday morning. The hospital had been all kinds of crazy this week, but when he stepped onto the wide front porch of the old hotel he and Ethan had converted into a pediatric home-away-from-home facility, he felt like he was home.

  When Ethan had pooled grant money and his meager-at-the-time life savings to buy this place years ago, he’d only done it after Josh had agreed to serve as the staff physician. Together, they’d redesigned the old hotel, creating top-of-the-line rooms for patients and their families so they could stay at Avery’s House, enjoy the adjoining Snowflake Village theme park, and relax in an environment that felt like a B and B, rather than the hospitals they’d all spent too much of their young lives in already.

  Two years ago, Ethan’s high school girlfriend had finally come back to Echo Lake, and with Josie in the picture, Ethan’s life had settled into a rhythm Josh tried not to envy, because it went with a lot of damn hard work … and past pain that made their current happiness well earned.

  In addition to his work at Avery’s House, Ethan also ran Snowflake Village, the theme park Josie’s father had built when they were just kids. He’d been second-in-command until Josie’s dad’s stroke two summers ago, and now he had the proverbial reins of the entire place while Josie did psych counseling at Avery’s House and Mercy Hospital.

  “You been up all night again?” Ethan motioned to the coffeepot, and Josh nodded gratefully. “A patient? Or a woman?”

  Both.

  “I’m pleading the Fifth on that one.” He took the coffee. “Thank you.”

  “Then no offense, but you’d better have a better story before Josie gets down here. She’ll never let you get away with pleading out if she thinks there’s a woman in the picture.”

  “There’s no—” Josh looked at the clock. “What are you still doing here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be at the park?”

  “Changing the subject?” Ethan laughed. “There is a woman. Who is she?”

  “Who’s who?” Josie, clad in a T-shirt and yoga pants, pushed through the French doors that separated the owners’ quarters from the main house. She wound her way to the coffeepot, rubbing her eyes as she felt blindly for a mug. “There’s a woman?”

  Josh sighed. “There’s no woman.”

  Josie sat down at the table, folding her hands around her giant mug. “Where’d you meet her? What’s she like? Where does she live? When can we meet her?”

  “Seriously, Ethan.” Josh pointed at Josie. “Call off your wife.”

  Josie shrugged. “I’m just mildly curious. Sue me. I just thought maybe you’d had your first date in—how long? Didn’t know if we should be celebrating.”

  “If I say shut up, will you take offense?”

  “Totally, yes.”

  “Shut up, Josie.”

  She laughed, reaching across the table for Ethan’s hand. “There’s definitely a woman.”

  “New topic. Anything but me.” Josh shook his head, but couldn’t help smiling. “Why aren’t you at the park, Ethan?”

  Ethan looked at the clock over the sink. “That reporter from the Globe is coming this morning to interview us. The minions will have to run Snowflake Village for the first hour.”

  “But you hate interviews.”

  “Which is why I’ve put her off for three months. But she promised her editor a feature on unique pediatric care settings, and we’re her—
quote—‘shining example.’ The article’s due, and I couldn’t put her off any longer without looking like a jerk.”

  Josh nodded. “Gotcha.”

  “I’m just trying to focus on the donors we could get out of it. The Globe has huge reach.”

  “Think you can shove any of those donors over to Mercy? Pediatrics, in particular?”

  Ethan poured coffee into two cups and handed one Josh’s way. “Why? You looking at more budget cuts?”

  Josh shook his head, frustrated. “Some woman from the finance office has apparently been charged with making ‘substantive revisions’ to my budget.”

  “Revisions.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Did you suggest that maybe the folks on the top floor at Mercy could take a pay cut? Think of the programs you could save.”

  “It was tempting.” He took a slug of coffee, then put his cup down. “But their new strategy is to send down someone nice … and young … and—”

  “Hot?” Ethan’s eyebrows went upward suggestively.

  “So this woman? From finance? Is she the woman?” Josie smiled.

  “Shut up, Jos.”

  He shook his head while Ethan and Josie laughed. Some days it didn’t pay to be in business with the two people who’d known you the longest.

  There was no way they could tell he’d been up half the night thinking about Delaney. No way they could possibly figure out he couldn’t get the vision of her pert little mouth and sassy walk out of his head. No way they could suspect her soft voice and delicate fingers had him imagining things he really shouldn’t be imagining about a colleague who had the power to cut him off at the knees.

  Josie looked at the clock, then touched her sleep-tousled hair. “Oh, my God. When is the reporter coming?”

  “Fifteen minutes, Jos.”

  She jumped up from the table. “Why didn’t you tell me? Look at me!”

  “You look perfect.” Ethan grabbed her around the waist and planted a kiss squarely on her lips. “But you may want to get dressed.”

  She pinched his cheek, then scurried back through the French doors, Ethan following her every move with his eyes.

  Josh tried to tamp down the spark of jealousy that erupted periodically when he watched them together. They’d walked a long, hard road to get where they were today, but where they were was pretty damn perfect, as far as he could tell.

  He folded his elbows on the table. “Did you ever think this is what your life would look like, years ago?”

  “This is exactly what I hoped it would look like.” Ethan winked as he got up to grab creamer from the fridge. “Just took Josie a little longer to come around than I expected.”

  “Like, ten years.” Josh smiled.

  “Can’t rush these things.” Ethan sat back down. “Speaking of not rushing things … and since we both know Josie’s going to tackle me for information as soon as you’re gone … let’s get back to the finance-office hottie. Anybody you might date?”

  Josh shook his head. “Nicole cured me of that for a long time to come.”

  “Not everybody—”

  “I know. Not everybody’s like Nicole. But I was the dumbass who got practically to the altar before I figured her out.”

  “You weren’t dumb.” Ethan rolled his eyes. “She had you snowed.”

  “Define dumb.”

  “I know you’re smart enough to realize you shouldn’t let one person turn you off from the whole breed forever.”

  “So you won’t bother to say that?”

  “Exactly.”

  Josh sipped his coffee, remembering the night he’d headed out early from the hospital, picking up flowers and wine, intent on surprising Nicole.

  He’d surprised her, all right.

  In hindsight, the BMW parked in front of her condo should have been the first clue, but he’d walked right past it, letting himself in the front door, stopping to take off his boots.

  That’s when his eyes had caught the trail of clothes leading down the hallway and up the stairs.

  And then he’d seen the other pair of boots.

  He’d left the flowers on the floor, but had polished off the wine by morning, when a tearful Nicole had showed up at the door pleading misunderstanding and loneliness and What did you expect? You’re never home!

  It was later that afternoon, still bleary from lack of sleep and a red-wine hangover, that he’d decided Nicole had a point. He wasn’t ever home. His hours were ridiculous, and it wasn’t fair of him to pretend otherwise. Someday, when he was done with the hospital rat race and had his own practice, then maybe there’d be time for more than a no-strings relationship.

  Until then, though, he wasn’t going to open up his heart just to get it stomped on again.

  Ethan’s voice broke through his memory. “Don’t you have any hot new nurses on staff? X-ray techs? Phlebotomists with a naughty side?”

  Josh rolled his eyes. “None of the above.”

  “Damn. You’d think, in a hospital the size of Mercy, there’d be one female willing to date your sorry ass.”

  “Ha. The only ones I know are either trying to boss me around, or they’re trying to take away all of my money.”

  “So they’re no longer fighting to bring you coffee in the morning? Are you losing your touch?”

  Josh shook his head. “The free-coffee thing is more out of control than ever. If I could actually function without it, I’d go cold turkey just to stop them from bringing it to me.”

  “But not one of these women is someone you’d ever date?”

  “They’re my employees, Ethan.”

  Ethan nodded. “Okay, I get that. So what about the woman from finance?”

  “Awkward, to say the least. I mentioned the part about her trying to trim my budget, right?”

  “Married? Engaged?”

  “You’re kind of missing the point here.” Josh rolled his eyes. “No ring.”

  “So…” Ethan sat back, and Josh could tell he was trying to curb his smile. “She’s young, hot, and you checked for a ring. And she’s not your employee.”

  “All true. But that doesn’t mean I should date her.”

  Ethan shrugged. “Might make her go a little easier on your budget—just saying. A little wining and dining never hurt a tense negotiation, after all.”

  * * *

  On Monday morning, Delaney stepped off the elevator and opened the executive suite door, holding it with her foot as she tried to balance her coffee, laptop, and a box of files she’d brought home for the weekend. It was only seven o’clock, so as usual, she was the first one here. She loved the first hour of the day, when no one else was around and she could plow through piles of work before her e-mail started pinging.

  She dropped a couple of files on Megan’s desk on her way by, then turned toward her office, running smack into a solid, male body. She stifled a squeak as she dropped the file box on her toes, then swore.

  Dr. Mackenzie.

  She bit back further curses as she bent down to pick up the box, embarrassed that she’d practically thrown the box at him when he’d startled her.

  “What are you doing up here?” On my turf, she added internally.

  “Giving you a Monday-morning heart attack, I’m afraid.”

  Oh, he was giving her a heart attack, all right. But it wasn’t because he’d just scared the wits right out of her. He looked fresh from the shower—hair damp at his collar, a dark brown shirt and khakis shaping his body deliciously, and God, that sweet, spicy aftershave that she already liked way too much.

  Her pulse started rat-tat-tatting, and she ran one hand up her neck to hide it.

  He took the box from her and opened her office door. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Then why are you lurking on my floor at seven o’clock in the morning? How did you even get in here?”

  He grinned. “I gave Marco the secret password. And also, I resent the term lurking.”

  Marco, the night se
curity officer, was legendary for his loose interpretation of access privileges, especially at the end of his shift.

  “What was Marco’s version of today’s secret password?”

  “A hot coffee and a donut.”

  Delaney closed her eyes. Some freaking security system.

  She sat down at her desk, mostly to hide her shaky knees. “So what can I do for you?”

  He walked to her window. “Wow. You have quite a view up here.”

  She cringed, remembering how she’d felt about that same view on Friday, but she didn’t speak. What could she say, knowing that the view from his office was a chaotic hallway full of sick kids and busy nurses?

  He turned. “I just wanted to talk about a few things before we get you started on the floor this morning. Thought it’d be easier to do up here in your territory.”

  “Because?”

  “Because the people in my territory are not necessarily fans of the finance office, especially given the climate lately. I know they’ll be on their best behavior while you’re down there, but still—they’re nervous. They all know what it means when the finance office starts paying special attention to your floor.”

  Delaney didn’t know what to say. On one hand, she sort of resented the fact that they’d marked her as an enemy before they even knew her. On the other hand, how could she blame them? They all knew someone who’d gotten the same HR escort she’d seen last week. Nobody felt safe right now.

  Finally, she sighed. “What can I do to make this easier on everybody?”

  “Probably nothing.” He shrugged. “Awkward is awkward. It’s just the way it is. But I think it would help if I gave you some information about the floor before you come down again.”

  “Okay.” She folded her hands primly on her desk. “Pediatrics Orientation 101. I’m ready.”

  “The first thing to know is that if you want to eat lunch, you need to be nice to Therese.”

  Delaney felt her forehead furrow. “I don’t follow.”

  “She makes the lunch schedule. That means she decides who eats when. And if she doesn’t like you, she might just forget to put you on the schedule.”

  “No offense, but how am I figuring into her schedule? I’m just observing.”